DyVineDyalogue: SSH Syndrome

July 16th, 2010 | By DyVine

DyVineDyalogue: SSH Syndrome

I know you know the saying about nice guys finishing last. We all know it. The question is: Is it true? 

Well, to be completely honest with you… it is overwhelmingly true. A great deal of women don’t want a nice guy. Nice guys are boring (sorry nice guys!).  A lot of people like to give that crappy excuse that some women just can’t handle a man that is faithful, drama-free and waiting to love her and sweep her off her feet. It’s a ton of BS and people who say it only say it because it makes them sound deep. LOL.  To that, I say… maybe a few cases but not all. I believe that this is due to something so much deeper than that. And it’s called SSH. Syndrome. It’s pretty serious and, oddly enough, very common among young women of birthing age (LOL).

What is SSH Syndrome?

 SSH. Syndrome is none other than Super Saver H*e Syndrome (Not to be confused with SSAHS – Super Save A H*e Syndrome most commonly found in men). My theory on SSHS is this..

 Most women are taught, or learn along the way, that men are dumb (well, not dumb… we’re just smarter. It’s a fact.  LOL). Because of this, women often progress to the belief that they can train, or “shape”, a man into what she wants him to be.  Fellas, think about it. Isn’t your old lady quick to tell you about the things that you do that she doesn’t like? Or what you SHOULD be doing? LOL And Ladies… don’t act like it ain’t true!

 SSHS is natural woman thought turned on it’s ear.  Nice guys finish last a lot of times because women with SSHS seek out the “bad guys” with the hopes that she can change him! You’ve all seen it before… Especially the fellas. You tell a chick that you don’t want a relationship. You just want to chill and be cool with her. A few weeks (or sometimes months) later… she’s on the phone crying because you don’t want to be with her. In her mind… she wants to fix you. You’re broken because you don’t want a relationship. I mean… Who doesn’t want a relationship??? LOL. She thinks that all she has to do is put “it” on him and he’ll be hers. And she’ll make him see that he was wrong all along. Relationships are good see?!?! *Nicki Minaj smiley face*

 There are several forms of SSHS but, here are some typical scenarios:

 Women with SSHS think that Fab and Ne-Yo’s “Make Me Better” is their theme song and they intend to do just that—make you into the you that they want you to be!

 Women with SSHS are often the type that will get with a dude, know that he’s no good and think that her “sex game” will keep him from finding out about all other females’ “sex game” LOL.

 Women with SSHS think that they have no competition. In a world with a gender ratio as screwed as ours.. you’d better know there’s ALWAYS competition. Even the unseen kind.

 Women with SSHS want to solve all your problems. If she can’t come up with a solution… she’ll make you feel better with sex! “Baby, I know you’re failing in life but it’ll be better once I give you head!” (LOL. I’m dead *ss serious. These women exist!)

 Women with SSHS date the guy who doesn’t do crap for his kids… has a baby by him and try their best to make him be a better father to her child. Never mind the fact that he has 5 kids with 7 other chicks that he never takes care of.

 The list goes on… And as you can see, it can become increasingly severe.

 However, there is a cure! *the crowd goes wild*

 Ladies… Stop trying to change a man. They are simple creatures and tell you what they want. If he says… “I want to chill and be cool,” or “I don’t want a relationship” then he doesn’t want a relationship. That is not Morse code for.. “I really do want a relationship and why don’t you just be extra awesome and MAKE me want to be with you forever!” You don’t need to save him from himself. He looks nice and safe standing over there with his friends rather than worrying you on your mind.

 We cannot change anyone.  We have to learn to accept people as they are. Imagine if someone told you they liked you but they hated all the things that were important to you. Not so great, huh?  You will never truly love someone if you try to make them into the person that you want them to be. Love is Acceptance. And as much as you want to help a person out, you can’t learn their lessons or solve all their problems.

 There are some things that people will give up or forgo to be with you but, if that thing is unabashedly them, then they are giving up being them to be with you and that isn’t acceptance at all.

 I once suffered from SSHS. I am a survivor. And I’m here to tell you ladies… get help. Side Effects may include finding the person that’s right for you.

 Peace,

 DyVine aka @CallMe_AJae

Though there are cases where men have been affected by this disease, it’s most commonly found in women. If you are a man and suffer from SSHS…#SmiteThyself

DyVineDyalogue: Let Me “Upgrade U”

May 27th, 2010 | By DyVine

Yo, yo, yo! Tis I, ya girl DyVine. I am back with yet another DyVineDyalogue.  It was my bday last week on Thursday.  Had a fun time out with my people. The girl turned a big ol’ 24! *BBM jiggin smiley*. I did say the next one would be in video… sue me. Rashiid (my computer) and I haven’t spent too much time together lately. I got ya’ll next week.

Peace,

~DyVine~

*Shout out to the homie @PennBannekar for helping me come up with this topic*

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DyVineDyalogue: Let Me “Upgrade U”

A few years ago, Beyonce put out a song called “Upgrade U.”  If you haven’t heard it by now, it’s official, you live under a rock. Nonetheless, Bey spits, “Partnah, partnah, partnah, let me upgrade u!” The song insinuates that by having her by his (Jay’s) side, she can take his life to the next level. Seems okay right? Everyone thinks that they can make everything else just a little bit better by adding their two cents.  I guess love and relationships apply too. In Bey’s case, she can make his life better. I mean, she did make more money than him last year. And whether you want to admit it, She is the hottest chick in the game. *pops gum @ Bey haters*  Check the stats.

However, there are flaws in this whole “upgrade” theory.  The most “basic” of females and wackest of dudes thought that they could go around telling people that they could upgrade them. Also, some very good people have been misled into thinking that they could “upgrade” defunct “basic” and “wack” people. Following me so far? Good.

I’ll address the first part. *Ghetto voice* Uhn-uhn boo boo! How you gon upgrade me when you at the club stunting on LINK Card cash? #Fail. How you gon upgrade me when you live at home with yo mama and you had to ask her if you could stay out after the street lights came on? #ColossalFail How you gon upgrade me when your lacefront so bogus, that it’s riding yo eyebrows? #EpicFail. *pops gum* And how you gon upgrade me when you look like you’re overdue for an upgrade by 10 years? X_x.

Stop trying to tell people that you are going to upgrade them when you need to be looking in the mirror. Don’t insult yourself. Females have a tendency to think that they are the best out there. No sweetie, there will always be someone that looks better, got bigger boobs, or got more booty. So, please don’t think that having you on his arm will upgrade his life. B.I.G said “More money, More problems:  DyVine says, “More H***, More problems.” Fellas got it wrong too! They tend to think that because they have dough, that they can upgrade a chick. #SmiteYourselfImmediately.  I tweeted something like this a while ago but… Thirsty females go after the Thirsty dudes who flash their cash for attention. #ThirstHarmony. That’s all I’ll say.

Moving on… (Still with me?)

The second part that I’ll address goes to those good people out there looking for love.  They have a lot going for themselves and they reach down a few levels and try to get someone whom they believe that they can show the finer things in life. An “upgrade” of sorts.  They soon come to realize that all the clichés ring true:

1. You can take the person out the ghetto, but you can’t take the ghetto out the person
2. You can’t turn a *** into a housewife
3. Once a bussa, always a bussa
4. If he ain’t helping his baby mamas with HIS kids, he won’t help you with YOURS
5. (you can finish the list with more if you like… LMMFBO)

I digress…

As much as this seems to be common practice, it is a set up for failure. No person is meant to “upgrade” another. That is a #DyVineFact. Like I told my amigo Penn, “That’s where everybody goes wrong. They wanna upgrade somebody. U’re supposed to find someone on your level and discover new heights together.” You liked that didn’t you?!? LOL. (Quote/Cite me, I sue).

That’s why we do all this dating. We’re looking for someone who understands us. We want someone on our level that we can grow with.  Reaching down a few levels seems like the charitable thing to do. But, I say, it’s a no-go. Donate to your favorite charity if you need to feel fulfilled. #KanyeShrug.

The better song would be “Make Me Better” (via Loso & Ne-Yo). Instead of wanting to “upgrade” somebody, you need to be looking for someone that makes you better. Better yet, you need to be looking for someone that makes you WANT to be better and feel confident when they call you the “better half.”

We get caught up in the words and never pay attention to the crap we’re spouting. Don’t try to upgrade me; I’m already on the next level. Get on mine and maybe we can work something out! LOL

Peace,

~DyVine~

DyVineDyalogue: The 80/20 Rule

May 7th, 2010 | By DyVine

Hey all,

Happy May! This is the first DyVineDyalogue of Spring! I’m really excited about all that the Spring and Summer months have in store… Mainly… NO SCHOOL!!! *Doing the “getting jiggy with it” dance* I did disappear for a sec but I hope you’ll understand. I promise that there will be a vid next week. It’s much easier for me to multitask typing than to have to make a video, edit it, and then post it to Youtube as well as Snewty! Soooo… gon’ head and read this! It’s FUN4daMental, ya know!

Peace & Light,

DyVine

Follow me on twitter: @SheTalkSnewty & @SimplyDyVine

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DyVineDyalogue: The 80/20 Rule

If you Googled ® the 80/20 rule, you’d get all sorts of results. People seem to have developed all sorts of scenarios where the 80/20 phrasing works. However, you know that DyVineDyalogue discusses relationships, so, we’ll take it from that point of view.

The official Snewty definition of the 80/20 Rule (as deemed by DyVine) reads as such *breaks out Snewty dictionary*… “80/20 Rule refers to the concept that an individual will leave his/her significant other who composes 80% of their wants in a significant other for another person who, at first, seems to have it all but, in actuality, only composes 20% of their wants in a significant other. Please note, even though there are scenarios where the actual percentages may vary (such as 85/15, 95/5, etc), they are all referred to as the 80/20 Rule when the opportunity cost of the existing relationship is the lesser of the two.”

Still there? LOL

I know those of you out there with the common sense are like… “Why would I leave my 80 for a 20? It just doesn’t make sense!” To you, I say… I know right! However, this happens every day. A guy will leave a girl, who is everything he wants minus a thing or two, for a chick who may have better sex. A girl will leave a guy, who has everything she needs, for a guy who spends a little extra on her. Seems shallow, but it’s the truth. (more…)

DyVineDyalogue: I Love You

March 26th, 2010 | By DyVine

Heeeey Snewty!

Ya girl is back in here for another week and another installment of DyVineDyalogue. How do you guys like the video format? Is it a go? Well, I hope so! I have fun doing it this way and I hope you enjoy watching it! That being said… if you ever wanna jump on it with ya girl DyVine, just holler at me on Twitter @SimplyDyVine (I changed it) or email me at DyVineSoul@Snewty.com.  Shout out to Daunte aka @DaunteWrites for helping me out on this one! Be on the lookout for his book, “Things I Learned While Walking.”

Peace and Light,

DyVine

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PS. I’m still looking for you input and topics that you want DyVine to discuss, so hit the inbox! =)

DyVineDyalogue: Jealousy

March 18th, 2010 | By DyVine

Hellooooooo Snewty.com!

I know you guys have missed me! I’ve been out of commission for a while due to deaths in my family, stress, and my relocation!!! Nonetheless, I am back in this bidnite! LOL. And summer is about to jump off sometime soon… I’m looking forward to DyVineDyalogues on the beach! How bout ya’ll?!?!?

Any old ways… let’s get down to business!

Peace & Light,

DyVine

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Here’s some test you guys can take to determine your level of jealousy! I took the Hetero Female Jealousy test and I got a 26! So, I’m in the normal range with my jealousy…. *Rasputia voice* How YOU doin?!?

Hetero Male Hetero Female Gay Male Gay Female

Hope you guys learned a little bit and enjoyed it!

Peace & Light,

DyVine

DyVineDyalogue: The Fellas Pt 1 – Daunte

February 18th, 2010 | By DyVine

Hey All,

What’s crackin? It’s still Black History Month! Yay! AND…I’m back with another vid for yall. Remember, this is the Black Love Series:

Wk1 – The Black Female Pt 1
Wk2 – The Fellas Pt. 1 – Daunte
Wk3 – The Fellas Pt 2
Wk4 – The Black Female Pt 2 – *Special Guest Interview*

So without further ado, I present to you, this week’s DyVineDyalogue

I want to thank Daunte for being such a good sport and participating in this week’s DyVineDyalogue. If you would like to follow him on twitter, he’s @DaunteWrites.

Peace & Light my people

DyVineDyalogue: A Surprise

February 13th, 2010 | By DyVine

Hey ya’ll.

Completely forgot all about Valentine’s so, the vid for this week will be postponed til next week! (Sorry fellas, I had to!). That’s being said, get it in this weekend! Be safe. Wrap it up! I know tooooo many people that are preggo right now! Hahahaha!

But guess what?….

Peace & Light,

DyVine

DyVineDyalogue: The Black Female

February 5th, 2010 | By DyVine

Hey All.

Never did I imagine that it would take so long to edit all the footage we shot this week for DyVineDyalogue. Excuse my tardiness! However, Happy Black History Month! In honor of #BHM, DyVineDyalogue is introducing “The Black Love Series”. This week, we explore the Black Female. Fellas, pay attention!

Special thanks to @Bella_NikkiB @IsisSoSnewty and @QuteQue and the manager at HOOTERS ON WELLS in CHICAGO!
LOL!!!

Next week, we focus on the fellas! If you’re interested on being interview, hit me up @ DyVineSoul@Snewty.com

Peace & Light

~DyVine~

DyVineDyalogue: Me, My Boo, and Facebook

January 28th, 2010 | By DyVine

Hey Ya’ll. It’s been two weeks since the last DyVineDyalogue. Ya girl had the flu and it whooped my behind! But I’m back and I hope you guys really enjoy it.  I’ve decided to try out DyVineDyalogue in video format. This way, it’s a bit more interactive and easier to pay attention to. Hope you guys like it! Leave your feedback and Let me know!

Peace & Light

~DyVine~

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DyVine Dyalogue: Me My Boo & Facebook

I also thought that you guys would get a kick out of this

DyVineDyalogue: It Only Takes Two

January 14th, 2010 | By DyVine

Hey Hey Hey,

Tis I, your girl DyVine! I’m back with another installment of DyVineDyalogue! Hope you all have a great week/weekend.

Peace & Light.

~DyVine~

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DyVineDyalogue: It Only Takes Two

A relationship consists of two people. That is it. So, why does it seem like there are so many people who are supposed to be on the periphery all up in your business?  The homie, Wale kicked knowledge in a tweet a little bit ago. He said, “relationSHIPs sink when its too many passengers.” (Please don’t credit me for the grammar… that’s all dude’s LOL) And of course, he probably isn’t the first person to say this but, it came to me brand new from Wale so, he gets the credit for now. Nonetheless, it’s truth. Look at your relationship with your boyfriend/girlfriend.  How many people put in information, opinions and he said/she said when they aren’t apart of the real equation?

We let our single friends tell us how to we should be mad at our man. We let out guys opine (look it up) about situations that they’ve never faced. We let all these people tell us what we should or shouldn’t be doing instead of just listening to the other person who signed up for the relationship with us. (more…)

DyVineDyaLogue: Teach Me How to Love

January 7th, 2010 | By DyVine

Hey Snewty!!! Happy 2010!!!

It’s me, DyVineSoul and I’m back with the first installment of DyVineDyalogue for 2010! I’m excited for Snewty this year. We’ve got lots of big things planned and we hope you guys are going to take that ride with us!  Personally, I’m looking for more from you all! I write every word from my life. If I  haven’t had the experience, I find someone who has. And this year… I want DyVineDyalogue to be more indepth. I want it to express what, you, Snewty followers want.  So… hit me up with an email for topics that you’d like covered in DyVineDyalogue for 2010. You can email me @ DyVineSoul@Snewty.com.  I’ll send you a message right back with a date you can expect your post to show up! So here’s to you, and here’s to Snewty! Happy 2010 ya’ll!!!

DyVine

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DyVineDyalogue: Teach Me How to Love

Recovering from heartbreak is hard.  You feel like you’re at your lowest and that if the bottom had a bottom, you were on it.  This is because Love is a strong emotion and it requires a lot out of us.  We put our hearts, minds, bodies and all of our energies into it. We incourporate our lives, our families and our friends into love. It forces us to into a vulnerability like no other; a willing subjugation full of happiness, hope, sadness, lies, truth, good times, and sometimes, heartbreak. So, when it’s time to let go… it’s hard.  You try to push it aside and move on. That’s good. But the truth of the matter is… that love left you scarred. How do you open up again? How do you show that unimpeded, unadulterated, pure, honest love again? (more…)

#DyVineDyalogue: Cheating

December 10th, 2009 | By DyVine

Hey ya’ll how’s it going? Another week of DyVine greatness is all behind us. Now, it’s time to get the party started on a new one. SHOUTOUT to my girl Lynda! Told her I’d do it, I’m a woman of my word.  And also SHOUTOUT  to one of the Snewty-est followers, my guy, Osahon & the Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets for lacing up that ACC Championship in Tampa this past weekend! We’re going to the Orange Bowl, baby!

Checking out the calendar, I see that jolly old St. Nick will be stopping by real soon! So, those of you who believe.. you better watch out! You better not cry! You better not pout…*sing* I’m telling you why,… Santa Clause is coming to tooooowwwwwnnn! LOL. And I know I’m on the naughty list… wonder if my Santa gonna give me presents any old ways!  =)

As always…

Peace & Light,

~DyVine~

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Follower of the week:

@MFRI10

– He’s a real cool dude, worth the follow! Plus he’s my people so show him that love and tell him DyVine over at Snewty.com sent you!

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DyVineDyalogue: Cheating

Tiger Woods cheated. So what!?!? People cheat everyday. And get whooped worse than old girl did Tiger. Odds are, more than half the people reading this right now have. I interviewed several people to get my info for this week, so I know what I’m talking about. All but one of them has cheated! So, don’t be so shocked. Low key, I thought his mistresses would have been Black though. I guess that would have been a bet I would have lost.  And for the record, Tiger, if you’re going to cheat… cheat like you play golf… be the best at it. LOL. (and stay tuned for next week’s D.D!)

With that said… what is Cheating?

Cheating is a betrayal of trust through transgressions of intimacy or sexual exclusivity shared by two people in a COMMITTED relationship. See the emphasis on the committed? Please take note of that. It’ll come back later. Quote DyVine on it! That’s the SNEWTY Definition of “Cheating”

Cheating isn’t just sex and we all know it.  The first thing I get when I ask someone if they’ve ever cheat is, “Well, not really. I never slept with the person, we just chilled (or whatever verb they want to insert here).” *Taps their shoulder* Ummm, sorry to tell ya, you cheated.

Ultimately, cheating is a betrayal of trust.  When you enter a relationship, you trust that person to safeguard your feelings and be there when you need them.  You trust that in everything that they do, they will think of you. You trust that their decisions are made with you in mind and they trust that you will do the same. Kind of like marriage, however, you didn’t stand before OG God and vow to it.

Most important is the fact that cheating is a betrayal of intimacy. Intimacy is, as Dictionary.com defines it, a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person. So when you’re stressed and you’re calling up that next female and not your main… in essence, you are cheating.  Ladies, when he gets on your nerves and you dial that other guys number so he can just take you out and show you a good time… you’re cheating. You’re betraying the intimacy, the closeness, that you have with your significant other. So, in actuality, more people have cheated than you think.

The sexual aspect is what has people so caught up. Sexual exclusivity is a HUGE, GIANT, ENORMOUS (insert other synonyms for BIG here) part of the relationship.  For men, it’s ego-based, so says my friend @GamerKappaGuy16. That much, I understand. For women, I’d have to say it’s comfort.  Men feel good when they got a bad chick on their arm and he knows that he’s the only one who gets to experience her on that level. It boosts his pride. And he’ll most definitely walk with a doper swag if he knows that, in her eyes, no one else is better.  Women feel the same but, there is a comfort for us in knowing that we’re the only one. Of all the beautiful women in the world you’re the best, at least in his eyes. Both sexes like the “prize” factor. We love having that person that we feel is a prize to have. So when the betrayal is sexual… it’s hard to over come.

Since men have been cheating since the days of old, it’s sad to say but, women (as a whole) are better equipped to handle sexual infidelity. Men, not so much. Remember the whole pride and ego thing? Well, you cheat on a man and you’ve literally shot two birds with one stone.

So now that we’re clear on what it is… let’s get to the questions!! I took the best answers from each!  These questions were answered by several people.

Have you ever cheated before? If Yes, why and was it worth it?

@PrincessDrea729 – “Yes, due to the lack of attention. Honestly, it wasn’t worth it, because everything that goes around comes around. And unfortunately I got cheated on, and the pain resulted from it was deep”

@MsTrecie – “Yes, I have. Revenge! It was when I was younger and felt that two wrongs definitely made a right (Sort of like the double negatives rule in English, but hey—don’t judge me!)”

Anyone cheat on you that you wanna rat out? (All anonymous here)

*** LAVERT DEVON SMITH ***

*** DERRICK SMITH ***

*** LEROY MACLIN ***

Lol…. Ya’ll been officially put on Snewty Blast! Hahahaha!!!

Do you think people cheat more nowadays?

@BigNateWill – “I think people have genuine feelings but often look for the next best thing. I think that has been throughout history. I think that cheating is more open now. It’s not as taboo as it once was. People who cheated were careful and the mistress and man on the side were respectful of their role. That line is often crossed now and it’s displayed on morning talk shows.”

Cheretta H. – “I think people cheat more now because we have more access to each other. It’s easier to hop in a car or call or text someone to set up some naughty business! Plus there are more places to get away in order to cheat. Our schedules are already so busy that no one would really notice if their significant other slipped off somewhere else.”

If you were in a relationship and your significant other reveals to you that he or she has been unfaithful, what is your first question, thought or actions?

@GamerKappaGuy and several other guy – “Did you **** him?”

@BigNateWill – “B****!! F*** YOU!! I’m out! And I hope it would be that simple but since I have never been cheated on it is hard to say how I would react. But knowing me I would care at first and ask questions. Then be dismissive of her and the whole situation. All I need is a reason why good or bad then i can put it behind me.”

@PrincessDrea729 – “My initial thoughts to them, is ok GOODBYE, but my actions are usually some type of violence whether its verbal abuse, or physical abuse. Unfortunately, as much as I hate to use physical abuse, my actions are usually provoked by my anger”

Who cheats better? Men or women?

Veronica K. – “WOMEN CAUSE WERE SMARTER”

Cheretta H. – “Women are better at cheating then men because we are naturally sneakier. We are also more cautious about what we do, how we do it, and what evidence we leave behind. I don’t think guys try to cover their steps. They just cheat and lie but aren’t as careful. We cheat but it’s elaborate!”

@PrincessDrea729 – ”I think women cheat better than men, because men have this thing about them where you can easily catch them in their lies, and honestly they are really stupid with their lies, they never can remember what they say so they’re story never stays the same.”

What do you think are some characteristics of cheaters?

Cheretta H – “Cheaters, I think, are 1.Greedy 2.Have a hard time saying no 3.May have too much of an ego. I believe that some people want everything and equates it with status and feelings of being on top of the world. The more they have, the better their image. However, I do believe that their are some genuine people that honestly intend on being faithful but are too nice to say no when the opportunity arises. While others sometimes flirt around and kid around with the opposite sex but not nip it in the bud when it goes beyond innocence. At that point it gets out of control and that individual ends up cheating.”

Well, there you have it! That’s what the people have to say! Send in your responses to the questions and I’ll post them next week when we discuss “Cheating: How to!”

Peace & Light

~DyVine~

DyVineDyalogue: Smile

December 3rd, 2009 | By DyVine

Hey all, another DyVineWeek has come and gone. I realize I’m a day late. I guess that means I’m a dollar short huh?  Well, did you miss me?  For those of you who did.. I have an interesting tidbit. I want to interview you!  Here’s your chance to be featured here on Snewty.com! If you think you have an interesting relationship/single life… hit me up on Twitter! @DyVineSoul or shoot an email (preferred) to DyVineSoul@Snewty.com! I got some interesting questions on deck! =)

As always,

Peace&Light,

~DyVine~

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****Follower of the Week****: @KingCyrus52.  He’s one of my newest followers. We go back a ways though!  Hit him up with some Snewty follow love! And tell him DyVine sent you!

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DyVineDyalogue: Smile

Often, I find myself focusing on relationships too much, so today… I address life.  That’s what I’m here for right? (This is where you nod yes). Thanks! So, here goes…

I know this is a bit cliché but it’s true… Smile. You never know how much you can brighten someone else’s day.  It’s the truth. Tuesday, a smile got me a free breakfast compliments of Mr. Ronald McDonald, himself.   I get so many compliments daily just because I smile. Ladies, it does the trick! When that guy that you know you don’t want to talk to approaches and tries to spit game, try this: *smile* “Awww, thank you. That’s sweet but, I’m sorry. I can’t talk to you. I have a guy!”  and keep it moving! Instead of the usual “Well, **** you then,” you’ll get “oh, man! That’s too bad. He’s a lucky man.”  I’m telling you… it works! =)

Personally, when I’m down, a smile is the first thing I look for to pick me up.  We get so wound up in our world and all the negative things around us, we forget to smile.  We let those things stress us beyond measure. So, I ask you to do this: When you’re at your worst…smile. When people try to break you down…smile.  It actually takes less muscles to smile than to frown… so what are you waiting for? You know you want to! =) !!!

And to drive my point home, here are the top 10 Reasons to smile (via about.com):

 1. Smiling Makes Us Attractive

We are drawn to people who smile. There is an attraction factor. We want to know a smiling person and figure out what is so good. Frowns, scowls and grimaces all push people away — but a smile draws them in.

2. Smiling Changes Our Mood

Next time you are feeling down, try putting on a smile. There’s a good chance you mood will change for the better. Smiling can trick the body into helping you change your mood.

3. Smiling Is Contagious

When someone is smiling they lighten up the room, change the moods of others, and make things happier. A smiling person brings happiness with them. Smile lots and you will draw people to you.

4. Smiling Relieves Stress

Stress can really show up in our faces. Smiling helps to prevent us from looking tired, worn down, and overwhelmed. When you are stressed, take time to put on a smile. The stress should be reduced and you’ll be better able to take action.

5. Smiling Boosts Your Immune System

Smiling helps the immune system to work better. When you smile, immune function improves possibly because you are more relaxed. Prevent the flu and colds by smiling.

6. Smiling Lowers Your Blood Pressure

When you smile, there is a measurable reduction in your blood pressure. Give it a try if you have a blood pressure monitor at home. Sit for a few minutes, take a reading. Then smile for a minute and take another reading while still smiling. Do you notice a difference?

7. Smiling Releases Endorphins, Natural Pain Killers and Serotonin

Studies have shown that smiling releases endorphins, natural pain killers, and serotonin. Together these three make us feel good. Smiling is a natural drug.

8. Smiling Lifts the Face and Makes You Look Younger

The muscles we use to smile lift the face, making a person appear younger. Don’t go for a face lift, just try smiling your way through the day — you’ll look younger and feel better.

9. Smiling Makes You Seem Successful

Smiling people appear more confident, are more likely to be promoted, and more likely to be approached. Put on a smile at meetings and appointments and people will react to you differently.

10. Smiling Helps You Stay Positive

Try this test: Smile. Now try to think of something negative without losing the smile. It’s hard. When we smile our body is sending the rest of us a message that “Life is Good!” Stay away from depression, stress and worry by smiling

A smile, a laugh, a chuckle… anything will do!

Spread the positive energy and vibes in your environment and people will be drawn to you. You’ll radiate the joy and energy that we all need. So be a beacon of sunshine wherever you are and just smile!

Peace & Light

~DyVine~

J_Nichelle // DyVineSoul // Isis

DyVineDyalogue: Expectations

November 25th, 2009 | By DyVine

Hey ya’ll, so tomorrow is Thanksgiving.  I am so about to smash some dressing, turkey, beans and such! Mmmm, fat thoughts!  That said, I hope you guys get ya feast on too!  Celebrate family; tell that crazy cousin of yours that you love ‘em even though he trips quite bogusly at times. LOL. Kick it with the little ones and laugh at the big ones.

 Sending Holiday blessings and vibes,

 ~DyVine~

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**Follower of the Week** – @datraumatic1 – This is my boy Trauma. He’s pretty swole and he tells jokes… so if you don’t laugh, he’ll crush you with his forearm! LOL. Show him some #FOTW love!

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DyVineDyalogue: Expectations

We have expectations in almost every thing that we do. For example, I expect that when I set my alarm, it’s going to go off and wake me up at the time I dictate.  This is because past experiences between my alarm and I dictate that this is the way things are. I set it and it does what it’s supposed to do.  I drop a letter in the mail; I expect that USPS is going to deliver it. Why? Because, that’s what is supposed to happen. So, it’s only natural for me to assume that in everything I put effort into, I expect some ROI (that’s return on investment for you non-financiers, like myself).  We take our expectations and we apply them as we see fit. We apply them in our friendships, our relationships and every other aspect of our lives.  When we label a person “friend,” we expect that, to some extent, they’ll be there when we need them. Same goes for “boo,” “bae,” “boyfriend,” and “girlfriend.”  We have expectations of these people. But what are we basing our expectations off of?

 Much like I referenced with the alarm clock, my past experiences generally dictate the level of expectations that I may have towards a specific subject.  Say for instance with preference.  In my experience, light skinned guys have always been cute. Not to say that there aren’t some beastly looking “lighties” (as I like to call them, LOL) but, in general, the ones I’ve dated were worthy of 8 or 9 point on a 10 point scale. So, if Isis came to me and asked if I were interested in meeting a friend of hers who happened to be light skinned, I’d EXPECT that he would be cute (along with the fact that I know she wouldn’t send me off LOL). The point is, my past effects my future expectations.  I’d also like to add another aspect that effects your expectations. That aspect would have to be your outlook, the way in which you view the world.  If you have a negative outlook on a situation, you won’t expect very much from it.  If you choose to look at the brighter side, good things will ensue.   

 Having said all that… this is DyVineDyalogue, so, you know where I’m going with all this. OUR PAST RELATIONSHIPS AND EXPERIENCES EFFECT OUR EXPECTATIONS FOR OUR FUTURE RELATIONSHIPS AND EXPERIENCES.  And that is the God-honest truth. 

 Fellas, you ever meet a lady whose standards are “too high”? Chances are, she’s had an awesome dude before that she wronged and is trying her best to replace him. Or, she’s been with one too many bottom of the barrel dudes and feels she deserves better—way better!  Ladies, ever met a man who expected you to do everything for him (tell him you ain’t his mama and), slap him into reality. Then tell him to grow up and be a man!  And honestly, if no one is meeting your standards (ladies and gents), you may need to get your nose out the clouds… you might be day dreaming. Or lying to yourself… either one! Take your pick. Hahaha

I say all this to say, reflect on your expectations in every situation. Think about why you expect this or that. Decide whether the expectation is spot-on or if it’s a little far-fetched, especially when it comes to relationships.  We expect a lot out of people.  Should we be expecting so much?

And another thing… people will not always meet the expectations that we set. Be realistic. Do you always measure up?  Think about it!

Peace & Light!

~DyVine~

Dyvinedyalogue: Domestic Abuse

November 11th, 2009 | By DyVine

Hey All!

Another DyVineWeek, eh? I had a blast in the A! Ate at Gladys Knights, went to a Georgia Tech game to see my team play, got it crackin’ at the club THEN went to praise HIM on Sunday! *Brown Voice* Thank ya! Much Love to my guy, Osahon (#56). I also wanted to shout out Martin (#10) for coming out to get it crackin Saturday night! Oh, and, in case you didn’t know… GaTECH WON!!! Great Game guys!

Peace & Poetry

~DyVine~

***Happy Birthday H!Side***

Follower of the Week: @locdup22   It’s my lil cuz, just joined Twitter. I gotta put him on… So, show him some Follow Love!

Dyvinedyalogue: Domestic Abuse

 In light of the commotion after Ri-Ri’s big interview since the assault by Chris Brown, it would only be fitting that DyVineDyalogue discuss domestic abuse.

 I’ve never, personally, been a victim of domestic abuse; I have close friends who have.  Abuse is no laughing matter, whether it is physical or verbal.  We must all work together to educate ourselves and learn how to spot the signs before it happens to us and the ones we love.

 I am a Chris Brown fan to the death, however, I was disturbed to see the pain and hurt that he could bring to Rihanna.  I don’t wish abuse on my worst enemy.

 Here are some signs that you may be in an abusive relationship (via www.helpguide.org):

Statistics

Every 9 seconds, a woman is battered in the U.S.
Family Violence Prevention Fund, 1994.

95% of all victims of domestic violence are women.
Bureau of Justice Statistics Special Report, U.S. Dept. of Justice.

Domestic Violence is the single major cause of injury to women, more than muggings and car accidents combined.
First Comprehensive National Health Study of American Women, The Commonwealth Fund, 1993.

Domestic Violence is the cause of 30% of physical disabilities in women.
California Department of Social Services, 1994.

50% of all women murdered in the United States are killed by a spouse or an acquaintance.
Journal of Trauma, 1992

Domestic Violence occurs in 60% of marriages and is the most underreported crime.
National Crime Statistics Report, 1993.

90% of battered women reported that their children were present when they were beaten.
National Crime Statistics Report, 1993.

25% to 30% of adolescent relationships are abusive.
L.A. Commission on Assaults Against Women

1/2 of all rape victims are raped between the ages of 14 and 17.
L.A. Commission on Assaults Against Women

As few as 5% of domestic violence victims are identified as such in Emergency Department records.
American Journal of Public Health, 1989.

Domestic Violence costs an estimated $1.4 billion annually in medical bills, and an additional $900 million in mental health treatment.
National Public Services Research Institute, 1994.

Domestic Violence is responsible for a $3 to 5 billion loss each year for employers due to absenteeism. California Department of Social Services

(via www.therileycenter.org)

As we all know, relationships aren’t always like lilies and Dove dark chocolate (hint, hint *cough* my favorites) so, I decided to provided you all with this information.  Please take the time out to read it.  Pass it on.  I’m no professional when it comes to domestic abuse but, sadly there are people who live it. Learn from them.

 Here are some more great sites to check out to read as much as you can about domestic abuse:

 Teen-specific Abuse.

 http://www.troubledteen101.com/articles47.html

http://www.teensagainstabuse.org/index.php

 Domestic Abuse

 http://www.ilcadv.org/

http://helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

http://www.rileycenter.org/domestic-violence.html

As Always, I hope this helps!

Peace & Light,

~DyVine~

DyVineDyalogue: A Cheater’s Perspective

November 4th, 2009 | By DyVine

Hey All!

 Another DyVineWeek has passed! I might add that it passed rather quickly. Ya girl is heading to the A this weekend, so you know that I will be “gettin it in!”  Hope you all have a dope rest of the week and weekend!

 Peace & Light

 ~DyVine~

 Follower of the Week: @JRYtheGR8. He’s a really great guy. Always worth tweeting. He’s a Nupe, a definite cutie, AND he keeps up w/Snewty. What more could you ask for?

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DyVineDyalogue:  A Cheater’s Perspective                  

Yes.  I have cheated before.  I am not ashamed to admit that I have done so in the past.  Do I regret it? I regret cheating more than anything in the world.

 It seems that anytime men and women come together, the topic of cheating is bound to come up. More recently, while chatting with one of my friends, we got to talking about infidelity in relationships.  I asked had he ever cheated before.  He admitted that he had never done so. I scoffed. Yeah, right. A man that claims to have never cheated before? Mmhmm.  As he talked about it, I realized that he was serious. And I also peeped that he may have been a victim of the type of woman that I once was.

 So, I admit it. “I have cheated before.”

 Lots of times, the person who cheats doesn’t think about the hurt that their actions are going to bring to the other person.  All the cheater focuses on is getting what they want.  They duck, they hide, they lie, all so that they can keep up with the ultimate betrayal.  In my case, I wanted to enjoy the fun, jokes and happy times with my main guy and use the money of the guy on the side.  Don’t get me wrong, I loved my main.  He meant so much to me that I could not imagine my life, at the time, without him.  However, I met a guy who liked me.  He wasn’t as cute as my main.  Nor as funny.  Our connection was so superficial.  He just had the money to fund the lifestyle I thought I wanted to live at the time.  So, during the week, I was my main’s loving, devoted girlfriend. During the weekend, I was someone else’s.

 Cruel, I know.

 More heated is the debate over who cheats better.  Some men swear they cheat better but, from a woman who has cheated before; men… you have no clue about the capability of a woman.  If she wants to cheat, she does so with grace, stealth, and intelligence– and might I add that a truly educated woman, such as me, is even worse.

Ask most people who have cheated and they’ll run the gamut with excuses. However, I am here to tell you that there is no true justification for cheating.  If they cheated on you first, walk away.  If you truly loved them, no matter if they cheated, you couldn’t bring yourself to hurt them in return (I found that out much later).  If you found someone new, tell them.  It’ll hurt to break their heart but, it’ll hurt much less than having to face them when they find out.  If you’re cheating right now… STOP!  Nothing is that good to string two (or more) people along, just to make YOU happy.

 To my defense, I was 18. Fresh out of high school.  Living in the adult world.  I had followed all the rules all my life and I wanted to break out.  No one could tell me what I could and couldn’t do. I was the judge of right and wrong…. And boy was I ever wrong.  I look back at what I used to be and I’m really sickened by it.  I did despicable things to two great people.  I reflect on it, and I’m glad I grew up.  Cheating is a learning experience and KARMA isn’t a very nice lady!

I don’t write all this to start and argument amongst men and women on who the better cheaters are but, to apologize.  I want to apologize, not only to the guys I wronged but, to every guy or girl who has been hurt by a cheater.  Know that it wasn’t your fault.  There are true issues with a person who cheats.  If they hadn’t cheated on you, it would have been someone else.

 Hope this helps….

 Peace & Light,

 ~DyVine~

DyVineDyalogue: “Boo Season”

October 21st, 2009 | By DyVine

Hey All,

Yet another week has gone by! As always, I want to thank you for coming to check us Snewtonians out! Browse the site and let us know what’s up! Also, if you have ANYTHING that you’d like me to discuss on DyVineDyalogue… shoot ya girl the email @ DyVineSoul@Snewty.com

Peace,

~DyVine~

The Boo Season

It looks like that season is upon us yet again. If you’re from the Chi, you already know what the end of summer means.  It means, put up the shorts, close the windows and cut on the heat.  More importantly, it means, it’s time to get ready for: The “Boo Season.”  

 If you’re reading this and you’re not from the Midwest, or you’re from a climate that doesn’t experience the extremes of weather like the Chi, then you don’t really understand this phenomenon. However, ask anyone from ‘round here, they’ll tell you… come fall (preferably before Sweetest’s Day) people get “boo’d” up for the upcoming winter. Then, when the weather breaks and the short skirts and the rims come back out… you’re liable to be “boo”-less overnight! True Story!

 If you’re still having difficulty understanding, try this… In the colder months, people rarely want to venture out to the clubs or have wild nights on the town like they do in summer. If you’re single, this drastically decreases your chances of meeting new people.  So, you find a special someone with whom to spend those cold, lonely winter months. So that when you do venture out, or decide to stay in, you have someone to help keep you warm! However, please note that as the weather changes, so shall the dynamics of the BS, as they are directly correlated.  So, when the temperatures begin to rise…your boo will begin to “act up,” as us women-folk like to say.  No more intimate dates or movie nights or even home cooked meals, you’re back at square one

 Why does this happen? There are a few reasons but, whether you subscribe to the Boo Season or not, you know about it.  Actually, it’s like an unspoken code.  You don’t hit the club in late August/early September going, “I need a winter boo, do you want to be it?” (LOL, unless you’re just that bold). I know me and my girls joke on that fact.  And for the most part, we all realize it; whether it be consciously or subconsciously.  And If you choose to subscribe to the Boo Season, you should know that it is not definite. It is mostly dependant on the weather. Or how cheap a person is! LOL.  Ever had a Boo Season start after Sweetest’s Day or end pre-Valentine’s??? Hahahahahaha!

 You can either look at Boo Season as a good thing or a bad thing.  If you choose to look at it positively, then you’ll see the benefits. Should you choose to look at it negatively, like I do, then you’ll see that there seems to be more disadvantages.  Plus, if you know DyVine, then you know that I’m one of the few people that don’t  subscribe to the whole Boo Season. I am a year-round Betty Crocker maker. But for those of you who do, I toast you! No judgement here! My only tip is this:

 ***Make sure you come to Snewty faithfully on Friday all winter long to find out what YourAddiction has to say, to help you guys stay comfy and warm in between those sheets***

Peace & Blessings

~DyVine~

DyVineDyalogue: Is This Love?

October 14th, 2009 | By DyVine

Hey Ya’ll

Liking the new digs? Pretty spiffy, huh? Yeah, Snewty has upgraded! Shout out to the Snewtonians! And guess what? From now on, if you miss a DyVineDyalogue, just click on the link to the right and they’ll all be there for you!

Viva La Snewty,

~DyVine~

DyVineDyalogue: Is this Love?

Every week, when you come to check out DyVineDyalogue, you know that a few things are for sure:  1. The topic will be relevant to you or to someone you know.  2. I know what I’m talking about. It is a fact that I have either experienced it myself or I have learned from the wisdom of others.  3. Somewhere in the post, I will mention love.  This week is no different.

I’m always rambling on about love and how we all want it, so this week I ask, what is love? What’s being in love? What’s the difference?

What is Love?

By definition, love is “a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person” (Dictionary.com).  I’d have to agree but, add that love is so much more. So when asked, what is love? My answer is: I don’t truly know. **gasp** (Did DyVine just say that she didn’t know?) ([ahem] Yes, I did)   Like all emotions and feelings, Love is relative.  (more…)